i just google imaged poop.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
How's work?
Spinning.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
