its not stalking. its research.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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