smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
