Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
