Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
