porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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