I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize