let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
