I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
