You're so nebulous sometimes
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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