Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
