thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
