ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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