we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
