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• (586): View more from Michigan

  I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'

  (586): View more from Michigan

  And I thought

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Fuck I do that shit every weekend

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in

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• (772): View more from Florida

  My dream of liquor pitchers came true

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• (915): View more from Texas

  do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.

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• (805): View more from California

  I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"

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