if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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