I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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