she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
