i jhust puked up my retainher.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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