We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
