first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
