Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
