so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
