This dress was meant to end up on your floor
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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