If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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