I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
