if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
