my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
