I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
