You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
