i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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