I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
