NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
