??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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