i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
