I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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