I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
