But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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