he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
