Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
