Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
