to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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