It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
