Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
