I need help removing her.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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