I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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