hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
this just has baby written all over it
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
