D3 body, D1 cock
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
