Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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