you traded sex for a burrito?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
