It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
