Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
