Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My breasts were aching with rage.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize