I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
this just has baby written all over it
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize