dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
