Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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