after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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