She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
