Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
