the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
