Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
