I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
