The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
