Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
