Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize