hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize