Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
