I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Dicks are not precious.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
