Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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