why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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