tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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