Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
