he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
