My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
