I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
