Sry I called you an 8
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
