never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
