Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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