my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
