what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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