Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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