i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
