I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
