I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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