so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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