I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
