I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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