Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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