careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
