ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
